Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Easily Amused category.
Food Torture: Not Another Cafe!
Cafe Hillel, just another cafe.
I’m angry. What a surprise. I’m in the daze of a food nightmare. Living near Emek Refaim Street, you would think a girl could have her way with restaurants: endless options, yummy in your tummy food, and the cultural basics. But apparently the Food Gods don’t like us Jerusalemites.And instead of lots of different restaurants, whipping up all kinds of food-we in Jerusalem must suffer with choice A: falafel or choice B: café food. Crap and crap.
The sign reads: Coming soon Cafe Hillel. I wish the man in the picture would just keep walking. He even looks like he is stealing our taste buds! Shady!
In a previous anger post, I wrote about my desire for a Mexican restaurant in Jerusalem. Needless to say, my prayers and rants have gone unanswered. But friends, it just gets worse. Since my cries for Mexican food, two pizza places have opened in my neighborhood. And then…then this happened (focus your eyes on the picture). My cheap wrap place that almost felt like Mexican food if you closed your eyes tight enough and just held on to the wrap like it was a burrito, Tarantino’s, suddenly without warning closed down and a café Hillel is now opening in its place. Oh, the food inhumanity! Oh, the food torture! And obviously the worst part about it: THERE IS A CAFÉ HILLEL TWO BLOCKS DOWN!
Is this for real? Isn’t it bad enough that Emek Refaim is lined with cafes? It’s just the same menu, with different names for the salads, soups and sandwiches. Not to mention the difference in price from Café Aroma to Caffit for practically the same meal.
Now I know Nir Barkat just became mayor, but wasn’t he all about adding some culture to this city? I’m not saying that adding Mexican should be the first item on his agenda…no, I am. I think Mayor Barkat should shut down the building of this new café Hillel, which is clearly an abuse of our taste buds and a monotonous slap in the face. And instead, let us join together and build a burrito stand and unite for the sake of Jerusalem and her culture. Mexican food is just the beginning!
Stop the lame cafes from taking over our streets. They can have their menus but not our shekels!
World AIDS Day: Be Safe, Wear it, Measure it and Spray it on!
Today is World AIDS day, reminding us that there is still no cure for this epidemic. If you are in Jerusalem and would like to have a free, anonymous HIV test, you can go to the Open House Clinic on Sundays between 5pm and 9pm. The clinic is located on 2 Hasoreg Street at the intersection of Jaffa St. and Queen Shlomtzion.
And remember an easy way to stay safe is using a good old fashion condom. Now apparently if you’re French then you’ll need an XXL according to a European study by the Singen-based Institute of Condom Consultancy. Yes, after over 10,500 men measured their member, it turns out Frenchies need a condom that is about six inches (15.48 cm) long, making them the biggest in the region.
Of course I can’t help but wonder where Israeli men would fall on the scale, but I will say this: anyone is free to measure and figure it out on the Institute’s website. While I admit I’m kind of curious to do my own study, I don’t think my husband would approve. You know you’re a little curious too (oops, I said little, is that a Freudian slip?)! Continue reading this entry »
Thanksgiving in Israel! It can be done!
It’s almost turkey time. I love Thanksgiving. And what’s not to love, dinner at 3pm, turkey that isn’t sliced lunch meat, stuffing right from the turkey’s butt, mashed potatoes dripping with gravy and cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. Lots of pumpkin pie.
This used to be my reality every November for as long as I can remember. But for the last 3 years I have been living in Israel and those Thanksgiving days have turned into memories of my past. Oh, stop being so dramatic, the truth is you (as in me and all other American immigrants) can still have Thanksgiving in Israel.
I know it isn’t the same as sitting around the table in America, staring down at your food baby (this is a term Shira taught me which refers to the ridiculous amount of food you just ate that now makes you appear five months pregnant) and going around the table saying what we are thankful for (I am always thankful there is a toilet near by)—but friends, we are not alone and Thanksgiving can still be the best holiday ever! The gravy bowl is half full! Continue reading this entry »
The Game is On: The U.S. Presidential Election…What’s Your Vote?
With the U.S. Presidential Election just a few weeks away, do ex-pats in Israel, Israelis and foreigners know which candidate will be better for Israel? For me the best candidate would be the one that said, “Israel we’re just going to stay out of this. No more three-ways, scrappy peace documents, or lame promises–if you vote me for President, I’ll stay the hell out of it and focus on my own country.”
But since that probably is not going to happen, just like a kosher Mexican restaurant popping up in Jerusalem’s city center or a real gym built on EmeK Refaim ain’t gonna happen, my group of kids went to the heart of Jerusalem to find out what other people, besides bitter me have to say.
Check out what these folks had to say about the better candidate for Israel: McCain or Obama?
Boo to Elections. Yay to Reform.
"I will grab the boob by its nipple"
I guess you want me to say “yay”. Yay that Tzpi Livni is in which means Ehud Olmert is out. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that Olmert-poop-face is out, but let’s face it, Livni ain’t that much better. Am I complaining, probably, but is there truth to what I say, probably.
Livni is not really a step up from Olmert. She is still in the Kadima party (not a fan) and she’s still apart of that dirty three-way between Conda-poo-poo and Abu boo boo. Now, you’re thinking, so fine tell us who is better, and to that I say: no one. Everyone who is hot on the political scene is a liar-liar-pants-on-fire type of politician. What I would like to see is someone new, someone with a clean slate. This person exists except they are not in our face lying about what they can do or promising the unthinkable. I think the country is too apathetic to seek this person out, so instead we are stuck with the same old crowd.
I think the whole system is lame. This election just proves that there is a lack of checks and balances in Israel. Livni was voted in by her buddies and will form a new coalition making deals with the other parties. But where do we factor in? Where are the deals with the people? Why should Livni be my Prime Minister, when I don’t even get to vote for her? The system denies me my voice. If she is now the Kadima party leader, then we should have new elections and let the best man or woman win. Do you feel me?
I know Israelis loves their paper in an envelop style voting but I really want to stir things up and change the whole system. I propose a dance-off between the candidates. Let’s see who has the best moves on the dance floor when it comes to hip-hop, ballet, and traditional Israeli folk dance. Can you imagine the horror? And how about a hummus eating contest? If you are a true Israeli, then prove it with your hummus eating skills. Wipe down your plate and do it right! Finally, to show you are one of us I would like to see the candidates go through the most grueling process of them all- stand in a line at the bank, stand in a line at the bus station, stand in a line at the post office and lets see who crumbles under the pressure first. Because obviously the voting system is a joke, so why not make it something worth watching?
Overheard in Israel
I’m sure you’re familiar with Overheard in New York, a blog that lets people post the bits of conversation that they hear in the streets, at the office, wherever, so long as it’s funny. As with most trends, Israel is catching up, slowly but surely. Once again, thanks to Keren, I discovered the Hebrew version of Overheard called Gunav L’oznai, Tzitutim Shel Tzitutim, which Morfix tells us roughly, very roughly, translates to “found out about, quotes from eavesdropping”.
Here are some recent “overheards” that I picked from the Gunav site.
Translation:
Officer 1: Tell me, how do you say pistachios in English?
Officer 2: I don’t think they eat them in English…
Translation:
Can you come over her for a second, like for 10 seconds, for a second?
What funny things have you overheard lately?
Check out Israel’s version of Overheard – Gunav L’oznai
My 5 new favorite blogs, in honor of Blog Day
Today is International Blog Day, and bloggers are supposed to recommend 5 new blogs to create a greater sense of community in the blogosphere. Incidentally, Blog Day was created by an Israeli, Nir Ofir, who created BlogTV which I wrote about on israelplug a while back!
If only it was easy to narrow it down to 5! But that’s how this game is played, so here are some new blogs I’d recommend to you.
1. Jewish Humor Tube– posts funny Jewish or Israel related videos including this hysterical video from an Israeli extreme challenge TV show. Which makes me wonder, is this the closest Israeli TV gets to Double Dare? Where’s the slime?!
http://www.liveleak.com/e/b0e_1215189445
2. The Jew Spot – I found Monica’s blog from the list of bloggers who participated/watched the NBN JBlogger Conference . Monica interviews really cool and interesting people in the Jewish scene such as Idan Reichel and Chloe Jo.
3. Sex and the holy city – an unapologetic blog about the sexual escapades of a young woman in Jerusalem. Truly a meeting of Sex and the City and Jerusalem.
4. EngrishFunny I’ll be honest here, I have a major weakness for funny English signs and misspellings. Whenever I travel, which isn’t nearly enough these days, I’m always on the lookout for funny spelling mistakes.
5. Smitten kitchen – an amazing food blog that Yitz showed me, with the most stunning pictures that’ll leave you wiping up your keyboard from drooling over the beautiful bourbon peach hand pies, cold-brewed iced coffee, dimply plum cake, or whatever else is on the menu.
Happy Blog Day! Pass it on.
Kitzur: Find definitions for Hebrew abbreviations and acronyms
My friend Keren let me in on a secret Hebrew weapon called Kitzur, which gives you the definition for thousands of Hebrew acronyms and abbreviations. I immediately went to the slang section and was amused by all the ridiculous abbreviations like “Gvinatz” for Gvinah Tzehubah (the ambiguous but ever popular Yellow Cheese). Um. Can’t remember the last time I heard someone order using either of the 2 shortened varieties. But if you try it, good luck, and let me know how it goes.
The phrases in the slang section are especially helpful in the following situations:
a. You want to pretend you are/were in the army
b. You want to be an ars (punky, annoying Israeli teenagers)
c. You are easily amused by just how many words and phrases can be shortened into ridiculous combinations that would have an Israeli get his/her whole family together to point and laugh at you if you decided to actually use some of them.
Use these phrases with caution. Some will help you fit in, but others could be disastrous for your post-Ulpan departure (but I would love to hear the outcomes). So, only start using one of the phrases once you’ve looked up the definition in English (you can use Morfix) and actually heard it used in context.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find Zabaj in the listings…
P.S. For those of you still in abbreviation mode, I found a site, Abbreviation that gives definitions of English abbreviations and acronyms. (Thanks, Make Use of)
kIDs tALk NEWS: It is time the news is reported by the little people!
It is time to hear the news from kids! Enough of bias reporters and jaded stories…let’s hear what they have to say.
Ok…here you go. Check out what my video chug has been up to, reporting from the streets of Jerusalem. This news package is on cell phones. This is their first story of many to come. Also check out the blooper reel. And we want your feedback. Tell us what you think we should report. We would even be happy to report about your companies, non-profits, special events, interesting people, etc. Just let us know!
Tu B’av: Where’s the Love?
Check out this funny clip brought to you by the witty Benji Lovitt. Tu B’av is the Israeli version of Valentine’s Day. Benji wants to share this holiday with a hot Israeli girl, but does a hot Israeli girl want to share it with him? Watch the video to see if Benji can bring it!
The Big Felafel 