“Olmert said what”- The Eavesdropped Chronicles
In case you missed the big news: former Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has once again made the news, and it’s not because he is now too bald for a comb over (you would think that would at least make it to page six).
No, this time it’s about his close aide, Shula Zaken, that eavesdropped on his phone calls during his term as minister of industry, trade and labor (under then Prime Minister Ariel Sharon). How exactly was this plan masterminded? Well when Olmert was on the phone she would touch her ear to indicate to the secretaries to start eavesdropping and taking notes. Or if she couldn’t get her ear touch on she simply drew a circle on her notebook to cue the girls in. Not really creative but it did work.
However while we the public could only imagine the kind of juicy gossip and incriminating information Zaken must have about Olmert (not to mention the other side of the conversations which include Ariel Sharon and Bibi Netanyahu), she claims she can’t remember what the conversations were about. Of course I don’t believe that this info has been lost both in mental notes and the physical ones tucked away in her notebook, I’ve decided to guess what some of the conversations were about.
“Olmer said what”- The Eavesdropped Chronicles as guessed by Molly
- Olmert talks about his frustration with his comb over. The hairs are getting fewer and his hairstylist refuses to work with the thinning pieces. He’s pissed and venting his frustration to anyone that will listen.
- Olmert talks about his house that he plans to buy for a $1. Like any cheap-Jew he goes on and on about the bargain he’s getting and begs the listener to go with him to the $1 and furnish the house with him.
- Olmert plans another trip to the US quoting prices for the same flights in order to scam rich donors out of their money. The conversations sound almost exactly the same but just have different people’s name in it.
- Olmert talks to Sharon about becoming the then Prime Minister’s #2 (not the toilet kind) when forming the new party Kadima. They plan their announcement and Olmert suggests that with the new change maybe Sharon should lose a few pounds to really give the makeover of politics a new face. Sharon hangs up in anger. Olmert calls back begging for forgiveness, offering Sharon a back massage once a day for the next year. Sharon giggles but accepts.
- Olmert calls his daughter to check if she’s still a lesbian. She is and he asks if they are still on for their girls’ night marathon watching L-word.
- Olmert buys a toupee.
- Olmert buys another toupee.
- Olmert calls Sharon to ask him to come over and look at his toupees.
- Olmert and Sharon fight about his ugly toupees.
- Olmert calls his hairstylist.
What did I miss? Tell me what other conversations should be on this list. If Zaken can’t remember then it is our job to jog her memory.
From Comb Over to Potty Training: Old Prime Minister Meet Your New Competition
How about this for change – a city in Oklahoma has just voted the youngest Mayor into office. And when I say young, I mean diapers and training wheels, the kid is only 19-years-old. He beat out grandpa and actually has a campaign to back him up. How did he get voted in? Nope, this isn’t a popularity contest; it’s simpler than that. The citizens of Muskogee were fed up with the “same old political shenanigans” and decided to go with someone that has no baggage. The only weight he might be carrying is
a beer bong, over his shoulder.
Could this be a solution for Israel’s political corruption too? While I am no fan of Prime Minister (maybe) Olmert, we all have to admit his lies, money laundering and house buying, is typical – what’s the word they used – “political shenanigans”, for Israel or any country for that matter. Barak, Netanyahu, Livni, they all have some kind of baggage that they will bring with them, if and when they play the role of Prime Minister. My only disappointment is that Olmert isn’t getting kicked out for bad hair. He sported that comb over for years and there were no repercussions!
That being said, a young person wouldn’t have a comb over, just like he wouldn’t have baggage. And if he or she is going to be the next Israeli Prime Minister, then they must be a toddler!
The search should start in preschools around the country. We’re looking for a kid that doesn’t poop his pants and understands the meaning of no. We want someone verbal, but identifies with nap time. Finally, we need someone with a good spirit, who sings along at song sessions and grabs a partner to dance in the middle of the circle.
If you know a child like this than please contact your local community representative and lets get this campaign together for the probable upcoming election.
And in the meantime, enjoy this video about Olmert I made over a year ago about his lies and of course his comb over. It is hard to believe he has lasted this long.
Don’t Listen to Beilin’s Broken Record
This is an Opinion Piece in response to Beilin’s Ynet Article, Don’t repeat mistake of 2000, on March 8, 2008.
Mr.Beilin it is hard to take you seriously when your advice seems to end with a punch line rather than a message. It is you, and your past that has brought the Israeli people to the current situation, and not, as you claimed, “The IDF’s harsh response to Palestinian violence in 2000.”
In your article, you had the audacity to ask that we do not “repeat mistakes” again. Your request is a joke because it is the mistakes we made during Oslo that we are now repeating. During the Oslo Accords our country was made to believe that shootings were not “real terrorist attacks.” Shootings became like roadblocks; somehow it was believed that we needed them in order to obtain peace. According to the Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs, from the signing of the Declaration of Principles between Israel and the PLO (the Oslo Accords) on September 13, 1993, until September 2000, 256 civilians and soldiers were killed in terrorist attacks in Israel.
The quiet that you spoke of in 2007, was nothing more than a waiting period until the next uprising, war, or whatever term fits the crime. It was not as though in 2007, Fatah, Hamas and other terrorist groups thought to themselves, “You know the Jews aren’t that bad. This living side-by-side thing seems like a great idea. Let’s give peace a chance.” In fact, it is embracing the quiet of 2007, rather than interpreting its silence that has brought the days of relentless rocket fire to the South, and the Yeshiva shooting to Jerusalem (not to mention the other terrorist attacks that have happened in the past few years). Continue reading this entry »
An Israeli Errand…Not Just a Stop at the Dry Cleaners!
The Israeli lifestyle often involves lots of errands. Unlike the errands most of us are used to: dry cleaning, grocery shopping, post office and the bank in Israel you can add bureaucratic government offices to your list.
A typical stop at your local health office, municipality or tax authority means you are stuck in lines without ropes, rude tellers and paper work you can’t understand. Sometimes you might even get stuck with a bill!
But for me, last Thursday at the Television Tax Authority was so much more than that! I can’t even put it into words luckily I had my video camera with me and taped the eventful errand!
The Big Felafel 
