The Big Felafel

Passion Comes in All Shapes and Sizes

Dear readers,

I am not sure how this person got my email but I wanted to share their comments with you. Below is apparently a true story about someone who really enjoys avocados and specifically the bigger ones which this person refers to as “fatty avocados.”

While this person does not seem to be the brightest light bulb in the bunch, I will say that he or she does have passion for their beliefs unlike most Israeli citizens who are not fighting for Sderot, kicking Olmert out of office or any of the other numerous complaints I have written about in previous posts.

This person is no doubt passionate and also no doubt a nut-job. That’s probably why I read the article…it made me laugh. I hope you laugh too and of course I hope the passion rubs off!

Author: My name isn’t important
Date: September 19, 2007
Subject: Fighting for good quality of life. Let’s make the difference together!Hi Friend and fellow activist,

I am not a superficial person. I am the type of person that is perfectly happy to go outside the house in sweatpants and no makeup. I care about world politics and check several news websites throughout the day. I even try to volunteer and be a good citizen.

That said I am still a person who enjoys good quality of life. And I think it has to be said right here and right now that Israel’s good quality of life is particularly lacking in one area. Avocados. Where have all the delicious, fat and ripe avocados gone?

I first notice the fatty avocado disappearance about two weeks ago when shopping at the shuk. Disappointed that my normal vegetable stand was not carrying those ready-to-make-guacamole-avocados, I continued to walk around the shuk for at least another half hour. If only you could have seen me- the desperate look in my eyes. All I kept thinking was how can they do this? Just when you find that beautiful and crucial element that puts the extra bang in your normally dull salad, the fatty avocado vanishes from your life.

As I pieced myself together I held on to the hope that it must have been a slow avocado week. I am not really a farmer person or even know much about produce in general, but I bet those farmers just had a tough week and forgot to water the avocado plant, or is it tree? Either way, I stayed positive throughout the next week and looked forward to seeing my fatty avocados back on the vegetable stands throughout the shuk.

Maybe you saw me walking through the shuk that day. I was the girl talking to myself and squeezing my fists in little balls of rage. Not only had the fatty avocados disappeared but these slim-fit hard as a rock avocados stood in their place. What was going on? Did other people know about this? I tried to ask a vendor about the situation of lacking fatty avocados and when could I expect the next batch to come in, but he just stared at me and told me that the avocados would be ripe and ready in 3 days.

Like I said before, I am a caring person and I am passionate about having a good quality of life especially for my fellow Israelis. I think it is important that the tourists in the shuk understand that we have some of the finest avocados in the world. I think the citizens of Israel should take pride in our scrumptious fatty avocados and use it in salads, sandwiches and guacamole or as the Israelis refer to it, avocado salad.

I like to think of myself as a human rights activist and even go as far as to say that even if society doesn’t pick up on a lack of equality in our culture, I am still going to fight for it. That’s just who I am.

Yesterday I went to the shuk and met with other fatty avocado supporters carrying signs and avocado pits (we used the avocados in our sandwiches) demanding that fatty avocados be returned to the state of Israel. We would not negotiate nor would we give up on our basic demands for fatty avocados to exist without discrimination against their size or shape.

Our plan was simple, we would march from the shuk to the Knesset protesting the clearly prejudice farmers who would rather sell “slim” avocados then support the “bigger” avocados because of their size and stature. It was as if no one else got it. I mean we marched and screamed and even blew whistles, but people continued to walk by just not caring. I even tried to hand a young child a flyer and he wouldn’t take it. I kept telling him that he would grow up never knowing the taste of a truly delicious avocado, one that is so plump you can smell it readiness. Just like the others, he walked on. I might have gotten to him though because I saw tears.

Once at the Knesset I think the protest really heated up or at least it got really hot temperature wise. I decided to take a break and since the rest of the group left for work (thanks Sam!), I ate my avocado sandwich right outside the Prime Minister’s Office. Well outside the security guard’s area who were guarding his office. Or more like about 100 feet away and across the street from the Prime Minister’s Office because the security guards said I was bothering them with my screaming and they refused to hold up signs.

Of course it goes without saying that the sandwich was disgusting. I had no choice but to eat one of those slim fit avocados which had become soggy in the sun and now stuck to the pita like mold. The vendor told me in 3 days they would be ready, but he just wanted the sale. In fact it takes more like 5 days before they are ready to eat and even then the whole avocado- a slim fit avocado is about the width of three fingers- isn’t ripe enough to eat so you ended up throwing at least half away.

Eventually some new protesters started yelling about something going on between Syria and Israel and overpowered my one woman yell. They weren’t even fighting for a real cause. They told me that they were fighting to know about an operation that Israel did in Syria last week and wanted to know if it even happened! How could they even protest when they didn’t know the whole story? Still they kept chanting so I decided to call it a day.

I left thinking that at least my voice was heard. I know the security guards heard it. I know they talked to other security guards on their walkie-talkie about me, so they heard it too. And maybe one of those security guards believed in my cause and told Prime Minister Olmert and he too wanted to make the difference. I believed that there would be a front page story about it in today’s Post, something like, “PM Olmert demands the return of Israeli Fatty Avocados,” but no, the headlines was about that Syria-Israel thing that nobody even knows about.

Not all hope is lost. I am staying positive and will continue to go to the shuk in the hopes of finding my fatty avocados back on their vegetable stands. And I have already decided that if they are not there then I will write an article about the disappearance myself, or maybe an editorial since I think it is more an opinion piece then facts and I think people really enjoy reading editorials more then a news story anyway.

I am a human rights activist and fatty avocado activist now too. I will go back to the Prime Minister’s Office-or at least across the street since the security guards said my name is on a list of people that can never go to the office or even security guard area of the Prime Minister’s Office- and protest this obvious discrimination.

If you would like to join me I will be there on Tuesday morning (since I will bring another sandwich and don’t want it to be moldy from the sun). I plan to dress in all green and dye my hair green and possibly paint my face green if I can find something that doesn’t irradiate my pours. And, if I get enough people together then we can buy shirts. I am thinking about making a shirt that says, “I like fat,” or “Go fatty,” or “You should enjoy fat and stop liking slim fit because that is discrimination.” And the slogan would be on an avocado tree or plant (cause I don’t really know how they grow) and naturally the shirt would be green. If we don’t do the shirts then we can make signs with those same statements.

Let’s never give up the fight for quality of life in Israel!