Tu B’av: Where’s the Love?
Check out this funny clip brought to you by the witty Benji Lovitt. Tu B’av is the Israeli version of Valentine’s Day. Benji wants to share this holiday with a hot Israeli girl, but does a hot Israeli girl want to share it with him? Watch the video to see if Benji can bring it!
15+ Places to work off the Jerusalem 15 – The good, the bad, and the ugly
Gyms in Israel. Grr. I am only complaining because I am from LA where the gyms are huge and the models are extra thin. Where a gym is open 24 hours and there is always a machine available. Where customer service and great deals on membership do exist. Can’t there just be one gym like this in Jerusalem? Just one!
Here is a list of fitness centers in Jerusalem with some honest commentary. Warning: Lots of anger. (Thanks, Rebecca, for putting the list together)
Bodyline
Phone: 02-6783864
Address: Malha Mall
Genders: Men, Women
Comments: This gym is the closest thing to a real gym in Jerusalem and cheaper than most of the other gyms too! Check it out as long as you don’t mind shlepping to Malha for a workout and did I mention walking through the mall in your nasty sweaty clothes!
Body Control Studio
Phone: 02-5865831
Address: a801 Hakisufim, Ramot
Body & Soul
Phone: 02-6788861
Address: Hamusachim 5, Talpiot
Genders: Men, Women
Comments: Well friends, this is the shadiest gym I have ever been to and I’ve been to almost all of them. Two years ago they did renovations and left the gym open during the process. That’s right, I was working out with some guy chipping off paint and asbestos over my head. Did someone say gyms are for getting healthy? Finally, after lots of Israeli-style arguing, the manager said I could have three months free, since in typical Israeli fashion, the one week of renovations took three months. But of course when it came time to give me the three months, he suddenly had no idea what I was talking about. Also, the machines were almost always broken. And it is located in one of the shadiest parts of Talpiot figures that it would be since it is such a shady gym!
**UPDATE** It seems the gym has finally got their act together and respecting the customer a little bit more. They now have top of the link equipment and their new studio is located on the bottom floor and awesome classes, not to mention they have babysitting for your little one when you work out. What exactly is the babysitting, well watching the baby in the stroller and if he or she cries they’ll come looking for you. Still better than nothing. They also have decent deals and if you sign up with a friend then you both get an additional month of free membership.
From Comb Over to Potty Training: Old Prime Minister Meet Your New Competition
How about this for change – a city in Oklahoma has just voted the youngest Mayor into office. And when I say young, I mean diapers and training wheels, the kid is only 19-years-old. He beat out grandpa and actually has a campaign to back him up. How did he get voted in? Nope, this isn’t a popularity contest; it’s simpler than that. The citizens of Muskogee were fed up with the “same old political shenanigans” and decided to go with someone that has no baggage. The only weight he might be carrying is
a beer bong, over his shoulder.
Could this be a solution for Israel’s political corruption too? While I am no fan of Prime Minister (maybe) Olmert, we all have to admit his lies, money laundering and house buying, is typical – what’s the word they used – “political shenanigans”, for Israel or any country for that matter. Barak, Netanyahu, Livni, they all have some kind of baggage that they will bring with them, if and when they play the role of Prime Minister. My only disappointment is that Olmert isn’t getting kicked out for bad hair. He sported that comb over for years and there were no repercussions!
That being said, a young person wouldn’t have a comb over, just like he wouldn’t have baggage. And if he or she is going to be the next Israeli Prime Minister, then they must be a toddler!
The search should start in preschools around the country. We’re looking for a kid that doesn’t poop his pants and understands the meaning of no. We want someone verbal, but identifies with nap time. Finally, we need someone with a good spirit, who sings along at song sessions and grabs a partner to dance in the middle of the circle.
If you know a child like this than please contact your local community representative and lets get this campaign together for the probable upcoming election.
And in the meantime, enjoy this video about Olmert I made over a year ago about his lies and of course his comb over. It is hard to believe he has lasted this long.
The Next Holiday: Sex and the City Premiere May 29 Mark Your Calendars for this Holy of Holy Days
With all the Jewish holidays that seem to appear on a weekly basis, I can’t help but wonder…do people know about the Sex and the City movie opening next week in Israel. It’s true… Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda will invade Israel next Thursday, May 29, 2008. While, I have had the date circled for the past six months, I’m not sure that the citizens of Israel are aware of this significant event about to take place.
Truth be told I originally wanted to plan my trip to America around the premiere in New York, but after realizing that was one expensive movie ticket, I opted for Tel Aviv-a close second to New York (yeah right).
Ok, so I will have to watch the movie with subtitles and intermission, but it is coming out here before America, so take that! We will get to see Carrie in all her fashion glory, Samantha in full glory, Charlotte and her Chinese daughter and Miranda hopefully still with Steve (check out preview below to see why I say that).
The movie is set to take place in the present which means the ladies are four years older and in their forties. In fact after reading a few gossip magazines via the internet, I have learned that the filmmakers used a special lens on the camera to hide the ladies’ wrinkles. Nevertheless, from the pictures I have seen, the women are still bringing it. And they will be bringing it for the next several years, since it looks like this movie is the first part of a trilogy. That’s right, we will literally be watching Sex and the City until it is Sex and the Retirement Home. Samantha will have the hottest adult diapers in town (can they make diaper thongs)!
Until then, check out the full length preview below. And also make note, the movie is coming out in about a week-but I wouldn’t wait until Thursday to purchase your tickets. The movie will premiere in Rav Chen theaters. To find out more check out Seret.co.il theater listings.
Yom Ba-Bush
Yom Ba-Bush…Is it that time of year again? Just when you thought the Holiday season was finally almost over (you know, every week in Israel since Pesach we have to have at least one holiday), here comes the best holiday of them all…Yom Ba-Bush. Or at least that is what I have entitled the Bush visits, in which highways dress up as parking lots, schools shut down and bomb sniffing dogs are the most popular pet around.
With Bush’s daughter hitched up, I think it’s time for daddy to take on some new growing pains. The pains I refer to are peace, politicians and Mexican restaurants (oh wait, that’s just my pain). Turns out that like most of the problems in the world, Bush plans to ignore the above mentioned issues and will be here to attend the prestigious President’s Conference, which almost every famous person has cancelled on.
All that said, I have once again obtained a top secret to-do list from the Foreign Ministry (I guess Livni is too busy trying to steal the Prime Minister position to care about little snoopers). Check out the preparation list that the country’s tax dollars will be spent on this time around.
And speaking of wasted money, did anyone notice the spectacular light show for Independence Day last week? I really enjoyed the big flashlight show. It reminded me of my days in camp when we use to shine our flash lights into the dark night-only I am guessing my flashlight did not cost as much as the super big bulbs that our tax money was wasted on. Oh, and lets not forget that these big lights had colors: Blue, white and green. The blue and white was for the Israeli flag and likewise, I assume, the green was for Hamas’ flag! I’m sure those lights will be used again…only this time as search lights for our tax dollars disappearing before our eyes.
Here is an excerpt from the Top Secret (shhhh!!!) Checklist:
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Make sure new hummus flavored ice cream from Cafe Cafe is available and ready in the President’s suite
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Buy Bush a map, since last time he thought Tel Aviv was a part of Jordan
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Dust off the one stretch limo this country owns and make sure to actually put in the bullet proof windows this time
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Invite Abu Mazen for a secret three-way at one of the four houses owned by Prime Minister Olmert that cost less than $1
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Shut down all schools, banks (oh wait, they will probably be closed anyway) and public areas
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Put a cop on every corner and make sure they too have plenty of hummus ice cream
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Suck out some of the salt from the Dead Sea since Bush said it burned down there last time
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Give Bush a private tour of the new Mall, Mamilla-make sure no one is there-oh wait, no one is ever there.
Pesach Cleaning Will Never Be the Same Again
If you are like me then you probably aren’t doing your Pesach cleaning…yet. Oh, you plan to scrub down the floors, empty out the fridge and find the bread crumbs that have become a part of your couch-but you just can’t motivate yourself to actually put the broom in your hand.I need incentive for these types of life challenges. And I think I may have found it on best friend Youtube. The videos below are two Pesach raps that have transformed my outlook on cleaning. The raps have literally become my version of whistle while you work songs and maybe they will help to motivate you too.
How?
The first video, “Moses Rap,” is informative and the lyrics are super catchy. I listen to it before I clean each room (or before I will clean each room) and then when I clean, I sing the chorus. This is the “whistle while you work,” part. I mean, does it get cooler than that?
The second video, Matzah Ball Rap, is just what the doctor order for those truly tough cleaning jobs. Instead of pulling out your hair, wondering how you will get the sticky syrup stuck in the back of your fridge clean, try watching this video for a good laugh. One chuckle and you’ll forget why you were so upset and look forward to the battle of the syrup. Well, maybe not look forward to it, but at least you will have laughed and that helps reduce some of the stress. Did I mention that the song is a parody of the rap by Sir Mix-a-lot’s, “Baby Got Back”?
I hope you enjoy these two videos and that they inspire you to do your own version of whistle while you work. This raps are also great to just listen to and send to friends and family!
A New Girl Crush on a New Soul
There is this new song that Galgalatz is already starting to overplay on the radio. It is called “New Soul”, and it is bubbly and fun. After listening to it twice, you’ll get the melody and the lyrics stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Best of all, as I discovered yesterday, the singer, Yael Naim, is Israeli. Not only that, but her album has Hebrew songs on it! Did I mention she sings her own version of Britney Spear’s, “Toxic” on the album too? And, she recently won best album of the year in France (she was born in France and moved to Israel as a child). Do I smell another inappropriate girl crush?
Her music is awesome and getting praise, not to mention air time, all over the world. And because I don’t want to be the only one with an inappropriate girl crush, I have attached links below so you can have one too (unless you’re a boy and then it is just a crush).
LINKS!
Listen to Yashanti at http://www.myspace.com/yaelnaim
Watch the video for New Soul at
Watch the video for her version of Britney Spear’s Toxic at
Check out Yael Naim’s website and make sure to read her bio at http://www.yaelweb.com/
Read about her Best New Album award at http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3517130,00.html
Don’t you love when an Israeli is in the news and it is not about lies, the political situation or terrorism!
Shin Bet? No. Shin Blog!
The world of Israeli blogs just got a little weirder. Never mind that anyone who made aliyah has also made a blog (We just have so much to say about our journey that and our painful visits to bureaucratic offices). But, now Shin Bet- Israel’s version of the FBI- is blogging too. Shin Bet? No, Shin Blog!
When my co-blogger (and skinny friend) Becca, sent me a link to Prime Minister Olmert’s blog, I thought, that’s creepy. I mean it is not like he is sitting at Cafe Hillel, drinking the cheapest coffee he could find on the menu, and typing a post about his tough day on the job. In fact, it is more believable that the government probably hired a professional writer, who sits at Cafe Hillel, drinking the cheapest coffee on the menu, writing posts about Olmert’s tough day on the job.
But, forget Olmert and his lame attempt to be one of the cool kids (everyone cool has a blog– duh), now Shin Bet is trying to get in on the trend. While the organization says it is using the blog as a merger attempt to recruit techies, this blogger can’t help but wonder, “what the hell is going on?” Continue reading this entry »
Don’t Listen to Beilin’s Broken Record
This is an Opinion Piece in response to Beilin’s Ynet Article, Don’t repeat mistake of 2000, on March 8, 2008.
Mr.Beilin it is hard to take you seriously when your advice seems to end with a punch line rather than a message. It is you, and your past that has brought the Israeli people to the current situation, and not, as you claimed, “The IDF’s harsh response to Palestinian violence in 2000.”
In your article, you had the audacity to ask that we do not “repeat mistakes” again. Your request is a joke because it is the mistakes we made during Oslo that we are now repeating. During the Oslo Accords our country was made to believe that shootings were not “real terrorist attacks.” Shootings became like roadblocks; somehow it was believed that we needed them in order to obtain peace. According to the Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs, from the signing of the Declaration of Principles between Israel and the PLO (the Oslo Accords) on September 13, 1993, until September 2000, 256 civilians and soldiers were killed in terrorist attacks in Israel.
The quiet that you spoke of in 2007, was nothing more than a waiting period until the next uprising, war, or whatever term fits the crime. It was not as though in 2007, Fatah, Hamas and other terrorist groups thought to themselves, “You know the Jews aren’t that bad. This living side-by-side thing seems like a great idea. Let’s give peace a chance.” In fact, it is embracing the quiet of 2007, rather than interpreting its silence that has brought the days of relentless rocket fire to the South, and the Yeshiva shooting to Jerusalem (not to mention the other terrorist attacks that have happened in the past few years). Continue reading this entry »
Sderot or Your City? The Click To Care Campaign
The barrage of rockets continues to hit Sderot, and have now made their way to Ashkelon. While I worry about where and when the next rocket will hit, I can’t help but wonder if I am the only one. It is clear that we can not leave it up to the government to effectively run this country or military operations-but I still have faith in the people.The below video is a part of a Click to Care Campaign that I hope all of your will participate in. By clicking on this video and passing it on to friends and family, I hope we can get the word out about Sderot. We must educate the world in order to be heard.
Watch the video- click to care- and pass it on. Below, you will also find a list of organizations dedicated to helping Sderot and victims of terror. There are many ways to support Sderot: volunteer, donate, speak out, and make your voice heard with the click of a video.
HELP!
Sderot in our Hearts: http://www.sderotinourhearts.com/
Being run by a number of organization including OU Israel and Nefesh B’Nefesh, Sderot in our Hearts is dedicated to bringing Purim joy to the traumatized children of Sderot.
Challot from Sderot by Standing Together: www.stogether.org/sderotchallot
Standing Together is dedicated to helping brighten the day of a soldier. This project allows Israelis to order challot and other baked goods directly from bakeries in Sderot for pick-up at different locations in Yerushalyim (and elsewhere) on Friday mornings.
One Family Fund:www.onefamilyfund.org
Raises money for victims of terror.
Connections Israel: www.connectionsisrael.com
This Purim, Connections Israel plans to deliver a holiday gift basket to every family in Sderot (10,000 families in total) with a letter of support from a Jewish family overseas. This project will connect families and communities in a major expression of Jewish unity.
Amit: http://www.amitchildren.org/sup2n.asp
Amit’s Campaign for Sderot has helped hundreds of children to advance in their studies, to continue their education, and to succeed in school despite tremendous obstacles.
Table to Table: www.tabletotable.org.il
Table to Table with the assistance of private donors is bolstering Sderot’s food industry through the purchase of food from local caterers, bakeries, butchers and grocers.
Chabad of Sderot: http://www.helpsderot.com/
Sderot Media Center: www.sderot-media.com
SMC aims to convey the Kassam rocket reality in Sderot and Western Negev to the Israeli and international community through media documentation and investigative journalism.
The Israel Project: http://www.theisraelproject.org/site/c.hsJPK0PIJpH/b.3831671/
The Israel Project is providing journalists with royalty free pictures of Sderot, in order to promote Sderot’s image in the media. They also have informative links about the current situation and history.
Children of Sderot Summer Relief Project – http://www.SderotKids.org
The directors of 11 large Jewish summer camps from Boston to Montreal to California have joined together to create this ambitious project to airlift 110 children out of missile-bombarded Sderot and bring them to North America to experience the summer of their lives at these camps.
The Big Felafel 