How I Faked It: Breaking Into The Media
I faked it. While the Americans brought their top security guys from America and Israel posted police on every street corner- I managed to sneak into the Press hotel and pretend to be one of them. It amazes me just how lax security was- so much so that I even had a taste of the White House Press-ONLY Buffet.
Besides being an awesome experience, sneaking in made me realize why the Press don’t report the truth. Indeed they are much too busy making friends and networking in the hotel lobby. Add to that complimentary food and drink and you’ve got a group of people that are never going to do their job well.
How did I do it- you ask? How could I have made it past security and not get caught once? It was simple- I faked it. My backup plan was saying I needed to go the bathroom but I never even needed to talk to anyone. Continue reading this entry »
The Schedule for President Bush’s Visit to the Homeland
The Big Felafel has managed to obtain President Bush’s tentative schedule for his visit this coming week to Israel. While his plans may change make sure to check into The Big Felafel for all the latest news on Bushy Bush’s visit in the Homeland.
Remember that although Bush has been preaching the Road Map during his very long Presidential term, this is his first visit to Israel. Apparently he thought that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was an interactive television show where viewers try to help the contestants- Olmert and Abu Mazen- get out of “trouble. After Conda-poo-poo’s last visit she informed Bush that she was indeed in a real foreign land that does exist. She insisted that he visit to see the real “trouble” occurring in the region. Apparently Bush was shocked to here that this was not just another ABC series like “Lost” and immediately told Conda-poo-poo to plan his trip to the foreign land so that he may meet the real contestants- he meant people.
The tentative schedule:
Wednesday:
8:00am: Arrives and is welcomed by Soldiers and the Palestinian Authority Police Officers. Two of the officers are the terrorists from last weeks shooting in Hebron. He will award them the gold medal of honor in a ceremony that Prime Minister Olmert has set up to show some more “Good Faith.” Abu Mazen is upset that he isn’t getting anything since he helped plan it and freed them.
9:00am: Off to Gaza where he will dig his own tunnel, retrieve weapons through the Egyptian border, set up Kassam launchers with fellow terrorists and even have a chance to fire one or two from the former homes of Gush Katif residents.
11:00am: To the other side, Bush will end up in Sderot where he will meet with Kassam rocket victims, families affected by the rockets and the Mayor who hasn’t slept in months. He has been invited to a family’s home that no longer has a roof thanks to rocket fire. Then he will experience an hour of rocket fire throughout the city. They have told Bush he will be playing hide and seek, for Sderot this means after you hear the red alert you have about 15 seconds to find shelter- good luck! Continue reading this entry »
Fighting Festivals Are The Answer
Last week Peru held its annual Fighting Festival in which citizens, including women and children, are allowed to brawl each other in order to get rid of stress.
Forget Peace Talks I think Israel needs to adopt this Festival as soon as possible. Imagine taking all your frustration of driving in the city, paying ridiculous bills, waiting in lines that have no order, being pushed in the street- I could go on- but just imagine taking that frustration and channeling it into one fight with someone that is just as angry as you. You duke it out, bleed a little and then you feel better. Also friends and family watch and can take part in this exciting ass-kicking moment in your life. Continue reading this entry »
Best and Worst of 2007: the big felafel style
| BEST | WORST |
| Olmert getting rid of that nasty nasty comb over | Olmert still in Office |
| Free television online at alluc.org | Television tax that only some people receive even if you don’t own a tv. |
| The Facebook Song | Annapolis |
| The dollar losing value | The dollar losing value |
| Discovering the show Israelim | Discovering they cancelled Israelim but you can still watch it online |
| 50 shekel boots | Raising the prices of milk,flour and the shuk salatim |
| Marzipan’s Ice cafe for NIS 5 stays the same price and stays the whole year- no more waiting for summer! | Getting my first crown through health insurance |
| Finding out about Brooklyn Bakery where they serve real muffins and donuts | Conda-poo-poo coming here almost every two weeks |
| Seinfeld coming to Israel | Teachers Protest and University Professors Protest |
| Getting rid of CNN | Getting rid of CNN and keeping FOX |
| Realizing I can take a Sherut instead of a bus | The lines wherever you go |
| Pomegrantes in the Fall | Having my bicylce stolen |
| Learning that you do your grocery shopping online | the gyms in Jerusalem (I’m from LA- there is no comparing) |
| Pesach Rap video | The continous Jerusalem construction of new homes no one here can afford |
| Hannukah Parody video | Shmita |
We want to hear what you thought was the best and worst too. Feel free to write us and we will think about adding your best or worst!
The Coolest Anglo Immigrant of Israel- You Need to Know Her!
This girl has me obsessed. She is beautiful, but that’s not why. She is an awesome dancer, but that’s not why.
I am crazy about Lisa Oberman because the girl has guts. If you don’t know who I am talking about then keep reading until you too become a fan.
Lisa, 21 years old, made aliyah from Canada after going on birthright when she was 18. So big deal, there are a bunch of us now with a similar story: from birthright to aliyah.
Lisa is just learning Hebrew yet she is a contestant on one of Israel’s most popular television shows, “A Star in Born: Dancer,” a spin off of American Idol with an Israeli twist and the competition is for the best dancer instead of singer.
The girl is brave! She is surrounded by Israelis, everyone speaks Hebrew, there are even more Israelis in the audience and the whole of Israel gets to vote if she continues in the competition and becomes the next big time Israeli dancer. Continue reading this entry »
Improv Comedy in Jerusalem, for your viewing pleasure
Wonder if the Improv troop actually performed at the Merkaz Hamagshimim on Dec. 5 during Hanukah or whether it was a bogus plug. Well you need not wonder any longer.
For those of you who missed out, they fortunately film their shows for all their die-hard fans and we have asked to have the honor of linking the show clips to our blog!
After fighting about copyright, residuals and if they are even that funny- we have managed to gain access to the clips for our 10 readers.
The clips are divided into games and run about 4 to 6 minutes long. Watch them for a good time and check out live Improv at a Jerusalem near you! Continue reading this entry »
Tel Aviv and the Party Factor
It’s true that Tel Aviv is only a 45 minute bus ride away, but lets face it I never go there. But that doesn’t mean I won’t go to Tel Aviv it just means I need a good reason. And the Free Birthright Alumni party was all the incentive this girl needed to get out of Jerusalem for a Saturday night.Yes indeed, Tel Aviv is party central and not just compared to Jerusalem, but a friend recently told me that Tel Aviv has more bars per area then any other city in the world. And while I didn’t check out every bar or club in Tel Aviv I still managed to find where the party was at! Continue reading this entry »
Hanukah is about Oil and Oil is about Fat
Americans like to think that Thanksgiving is a holiday filled with lots of food. Forget counting calories, it is more about counting serving after serving. It is a holiday where you know to wear pants that give a little or at least ones that you can unbutton after you stuffed yourself to the maximum potential of stuffing (with stuffing- good one).But as part of the transition to life in Israel, you give up Thanksgiving just not the fat part. Hanukah is a time of cheer, candling lighting fun and fat fatty fat. Yes, it appears that since the candles were lit with oil, we Jews have figured out a way to take the oil from the candles and literally spread it on our food for eight days. Continue reading this entry »
A Subtle difference: Ties
Many new immigrants from North America have big-time cultural shock when they move to Israel. There are new standards for everything from bank hours to shorter weekends- but the subtle changes take you longer to notice.I knew I was no longer in America after I stood in line at the post office for a package that took two months to get here- did I mention it was shipped overnight express? Things like post offices, doctors and customer service are evident changes in our daily lives in the holy land, but it took me three years to realize that work attire is totally backwards here.
After working in several offices I now know that jeans are acceptable office casual and even formal with the right boots. After a tour of the Supreme Court in Jerusalem I learned that Judges are wearing t-shirts under their robes.
And of course I know that people do not wear ties at weddings, but what I didn’t know was that the ties are being worn by bus drives all over Israel. What a funny little society we are- I mean bus drivers with ties but Knesset members in jeans?
So while the cultural shock is almost all but lifted, I continue to notice the subtle changes in my new world: Every elevator in Israel has a mirror and parking on the sidewalk is completely normal.
You don’t make friends with salad
I am the kinda person who likes to eat a good Shabbat meal. You’re probably like that too. I really enjoy when the challah is warm off the hot plate and table is filled with lots of different salatim, inviting you in for the warm feast that will stretch your stomach to new limits.One of my favorite parts of Israel is the food and more specifically the salatim- matbuha (the red stuff that looks like salsa), eggplant made in every color and flavor, hummus, techina, hilbe (Yemenite) and whatever else you got. Continue reading this entry »
The Big Felafel 