The Big Felafel


Into Minus to Add A Bush

dscf0177.JPGIsrael is not a land of wealth. We don’t have oil like the other Middle Eastern countries surrounding us and we aren’t a world economic power. Let’s face it – we can’t even pay our educators what they deserve or even half of that. But when President Bush comes to town…our country goes to town!Mr. Bush’s one and let’s hope only visit, will cost the citizens of Israel $25,000 an hour. He has taken over the King David Hotel, closed down the country’s main highways and brought his closest friends and their dog walkers with him. Not to mention the swarming media who trail behind his every move (Check out my other post- How I Faked It: Breaking into the Media).

And what will the Israelis citizens get in return for being put out and robbed? A friend- or at least that is how Olmert sees it. During last night’s press conference, Olmert couldn’t help himself when it came to gushing over his favorite buddy. It seemed like after every answer Olmert would thank Bush for being here, helping us and staying a true partner in the Peace Process. Continue reading this entry »


How I Faked It: Breaking Into The Media

dscf0194.JPGI faked it. While the Americans brought their top security guys from America and Israel posted police on every street corner- I managed to sneak into the Press hotel and pretend to be one of them. It amazes me just how lax security was- so much so that I even had a taste of the White House Press-ONLY Buffet.

Besides being an awesome experience, sneaking in made me realize why the Press don’t report the truth. Indeed they are much too busy making friends and networking in the hotel lobby. Add to that complimentary food and drink and you’ve got a group of people that are never going to do their job well.

How did I do it- you ask? How could I have made it past security and not get caught once? It was simple- I faked it. My backup plan was saying I needed to go the bathroom but I never even needed to talk to anyone. Continue reading this entry »


The Schedule for President Bush’s Visit to the Homeland

The Big Felafel has managed to obtain President Bush’s tentative schedule for his visit this coming week to Israel. While his plans may change make sure to check into The Big Felafel for all the latest news on Bushy Bush’s visit in the Homeland.

Remember that although Bush has been preaching the Road Map during his very long Presidential term, this is his first visit to Israel. Apparently he thought that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was an interactive television show where viewers try to help the contestants- Olmert and Abu Mazen- get out of “trouble. After Conda-poo-poo’s last visit she informed Bush that she was indeed in a real foreign land that does exist. She insisted that he visit to see the real “trouble” occurring in the region. Apparently Bush was shocked to here that this was not just another ABC series like “Lost” and immediately told Conda-poo-poo to plan his trip to the foreign land so that he may meet the real contestants- he meant people.

The tentative schedule:

Wednesday:

8:00am: Arrives and is welcomed by Soldiers and the Palestinian Authority Police Officers. Two of the officers are the terrorists from last weeks shooting in Hebron. He will award them the gold medal of honor in a ceremony that Prime Minister Olmert has set up to show some more “Good Faith.” Abu Mazen is upset that he isn’t getting anything since he helped plan it and freed them.

9:00am: Off to Gaza where he will dig his own tunnel, retrieve weapons through the Egyptian border, set up Kassam launchers with fellow terrorists and even have a chance to fire one or two from the former homes of Gush Katif residents.

11:00am: To the other side, Bush will end up in Sderot where he will meet with Kassam rocket victims, families affected by the rockets and the Mayor who hasn’t slept in months. He has been invited to a family’s home that no longer has a roof thanks to rocket fire. Then he will experience an hour of rocket fire throughout the city. They have told Bush he will be playing hide and seek, for Sderot this means after you hear the red alert you have about 15 seconds to find shelter- good luck! Continue reading this entry »