The Big Felafel

Yom Ba-Bush

Yom Ba-Bush…Is it that time of year again? Just when you thought the Holiday season was finally almost over (you know, every week in Israel since Pesach we have to have at least one holiday), here comes the best holiday of them all…Yom Ba-Bush. Or at least that is what I have entitled the Bush visits, in which highways dress up as parking lots, schools shut down and bomb sniffing dogs are the most popular pet around.

With Bush’s daughter hitched up, I think it’s time for daddy to take on some new growing pains. The pains I refer to are peace, politicians and Mexican restaurants (oh wait, that’s just my pain). Turns out that like most of the problems in the world, Bush plans to ignore the above mentioned issues and will be here to attend the prestigious President’s Conference, which almost every famous person has cancelled on.

All that said, I have once again obtained a top secret to-do list from the Foreign Ministry (I guess Livni is too busy trying to steal the Prime Minister position to care about little snoopers). Check out the preparation list that the country’s tax dollars will be spent on this time around.

And speaking of wasted money, did anyone notice the spectacular light show for Independence Day last week? I really enjoyed the big flashlight show. It reminded me of my days in camp when we use to shine our flash lights into the dark night-only I am guessing my flashlight did not cost as much as the super big bulbs that our tax money was wasted on. Oh, and lets not forget that these big lights had colors: Blue, white and green. The blue and white was for the Israeli flag and likewise, I assume, the green was for Hamas’ flag! I’m sure those lights will be used again…only this time as search lights for our tax dollars disappearing before our eyes.

Here is an excerpt from the Top Secret (shhhh!!!) Checklist:

1. Make sure new hummus flavored ice cream from Cafe Cafe is available and ready in the President’s suite
2. Buy Bush a map, since last time he thought Tel Aviv was a part of Jordan
3. Dust off the one stretch limo this country owns and make sure to actually put in the bullet proof windows this time
4. Invite Abu Mazen for a secret three-way at one of the four houses owned by Prime Minister Olmert that cost less than $1
5. Shut down all schools, banks (oh wait, they will probably be closed anyway) and public areas
6. Put a cop on every corner and make sure they too have plenty of hummus ice cream
7. Suck out some of the salt from the Dead Sea since Bush said it burned down there last time
8. Give Bush a private tour of the new Mall, Mamilla-make sure no one is there-oh wait, no one is ever there.