The Big Felafel

The Eve of Election Day or A Clogged Toliet You decide!

On the eve of Election Day, I am one of many that still don’t have a clue who they should vote for and the choice of crappy or corrupty isn’t much incentive. The next Prime Minister might be a repeat Bibi. While most people feel he will change the current political situation, I believe he only buys us time until he becomes a copy cat Olmert or Sharon. And speaking of Kadima, if Livni wins, it’s just more of the same with “uni” being the key word in all of her decisions (unilateral ceasefire, unilateral pullout). And then there is Barak, who might have the same name as Obama, but can’t run the same campaign of change and yes we can. As he has shown, no he really can’t and he probably won’t. Finally we have Lieberman who has managed to climb his way to the top despite his ongoing criminal investigation. Then again, criminal investigation seems to be part of the job requirements for Prime Minister nowadays.

Along with the major players there are the other smaller teams to bat for and you can read more about them in my co-blogger and skinny friend, Becca’s post. But friends, here are some people that recently made headlines that I think would make a better job as Prime Minister then any of the current candidates running. If only there was a fill in the blank vote I could vote for one of them or some kind of inanimate object like a toothbrush or coaster.

Enjoy voting tomorrow and may the best man, woman or thing win the honor (laughing) of Israeli Prime Minister and all its glory (more laughing).

Headline Candidates:

Robert Holding: So who is this dude? Well he is a 72-year-old British milk man who was delivering milk and marijuana to his elderly customers. Holding is currently on probation for his dealing-which is great, because now he has time to be the Prime Minister of Israel. Obviously this is a man that thinks health care is a vital issue and would make that his top priority.

“Recessionista“: What exactly is a recessionista and why would she be a good candidate? Well Mandi Norwood, former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and Mademoiselle Magazines has decided that during these rough times it’s ridiculous to spend a lot of money on material things, so instead she has jumped on the band wagon with cheap Jews and made it trendy to be stingy.

The word recessionista — originally a person who enjoys dressing fashionably on a budget — has gained rapidly in currency and now embraces the worlds of dining, entertaining and beauty.

It was declared the word of the week on the Macmillan Dictionary Web site last week and is one of the top fashion buzz words of 2009, along with its sibling “chiconomics,” according to the Global Language Monitor. Norwood will clearly focus on fixing the government’s budget, getting good deals on importing and exporting and probably cut taxes. And we all know what tax I would like to see go…the dumbest of all, the TV tax. Finally a candidate that really understands her constituents.

An Elementary School Principal: Now this is no regular principal, this is a principal with a unique set of principles. Remember how your parents threatened that they would clean your mouth out with soap if you said a bad word? Well this principal exercised his powers to make a 6-year-old boy clean out a clogged toilet (apparently the boy clogged the toilet after using paper towels instead of toilet paper to do his business) with his bare hands. That soap is looking pretty good right now. Anyway, the principal is currently being investigated (remember a key part of the PM Job) and is on a leave of absence. I think the principal would be a candidate that focuses more on the security situation, creating new policies to flush out the current situation, unclogging a toilet of bad decision making over the last few years.

Maybe it’s good these folks aren’t running, they really would make the decision so much harder!