So you think you know Hebrew, watch this
After ulpan, the real Hebrew proficiency exam should entail watching funny TV shows like Hayisraelim and Ktzarim and seeing if you laugh at all the right places. No scantrons. No multiple choice. Just laughs. You can practice for this non-existent exam by checking out the Reshet Video Machine. This all-powerful video machine has many many Hebrew TV shows to choose from and loads incredibly fast. The best part – if you don’t get the jokes the first time around, you can watch an episode over and over and over again, and no one will know.
A little explanation about HaYisraelim. The show is composed of 5 or 6 skits that appear in every episode, but with a new twist. My favorite ones are the skits with the prime minister, the arsim in the mall, the worker who talks trash about her coworkers, the felafel stand, the couple with the baby, and the psychologist. The show has 3 main guys who play a variety of roles. I like to figure out which one is which character, but they are so good it’s hard to keep track.
If you come across more funny shows on the video machine, please share.
(Thanks Miriam for telling me about the site)
All purpose Shabbat Elevator
Thanks to Life in Israel for making me crack up… I think this video clip is from the Israeli TV show, Ktzarim (shorts.. as in short skits, not the short pants). Unfortunately, the quality is not so great.
Phone numbers and links for internet providers in Israel
It’s happened plenty of times by now. Feelings of helplessness and frustration start to take over as I realize the Internet stopped working and am all too aware of how dependent I am on it. Especially since I mostly work from home. But, no matter how much I disconnect the wires, reconnect, restart, repair, dance around doing the please-please-I’m-begging-you-to-work dance, there comes a point when the Internet refuses to cooperate and goes on strike to show solidarity with the teachers.
I know that as soon as I pick up the phone to call Netvision, the internet will start working, because that’s what happened before. As soon as my router/modem/wireless (who can remember the difference) hears Mr. Tech Support at Netvision, it shapes up and suddenly works. But I decided to pay extra attention this time so I could imitate the tech support’s soothing voice and avoid calling back ever again. And I noticed tapping on the keyboard. And tech support man confirmed my suspicions by saying he reconnected my internet. So apparently its not just the voice. As soon as I call, they identify my phone number and press the little button that says “Resume Rebecca’s internet, practical joke over for today” Is this normal? Are people calling all the time for this ‘reboot’?
Here’s some helpful info about internet providers in Israel (so I can keep it handy too). I have the Hot/Netvision setup with no dialler. I went through Netvision who organized the setup process with Hot. I did some research before selecting an internet provider, but they all ended up being roughly the same price. I’ve heard the good, bad, and ugly about each provider. So, if you’re just starting out and looking to pick an internet provider, the most effective method is to close your eyes, spin your finger around the screen and see which provider it lands on.
Netvision: *3031 or 1800-300-301
Barak: *013 or 1800.013.013
Actcom: 1800-300-123
Bezeq: 1800-014-014
Internet Gold(Smile): *2330 or 072-200-3600
Golden Lines: 1801-012-012
Hot: *6900
Israel’s education system: 3 hours a day is sufficient
As most people returned to a normal workweek after the never ending Sukkot holiday, the teachers in my “little sister“‘s school in Jerusalem have decided that 3 hours a day for the next 3 months will give kids a decent education. You guessed it, the teachers are on strike again leaving kids to figure out what to do past 11am.
This is eerily similar to what happened during Pesach (Passover) time, when vacation from school extended for another 3 weeks, leaving my little sister again with nothing to do for well over a month. Is this really happening? Who will want to move to Israel and raise their children in a place where school is only an afterthought, an optional activity during the day.
I’ve heard that teachers earn a salary that can’t possibly afford them housing and food, something like 2-3,000 shekels a month – 24,000-36,000 shekels a year, less than $9,000 a year!!!!! The average salary in Israel is somewhere around 7,000 shekels a month and teachers are making less than half!
And here’s what the Finance Minister has to say, in true Israeli fashion of not wanting to give in, “there would be no extra money for teachers… since a reform agreement had already signed with the Ministry of Education, there was no room for additional budgets”.
I’m sorry, but a cute owl with a green genie lamp (?) in your logo just isn’t going to cut it.
Essential Israel websites for postal needs, directions, movies, bus routes, and more
I know it might seem like a strange combination, but this is a collection of tremendously helpful Israel websites that I always come back to and wanted to share.
Post Office: Displays all the post office locations in Jerusalem and their crazy hours because who can remember when they take their 4 hour lunch breaks. For other cities in Israel, you can click on the top link on the right sidebar to change the city. The “english” section doesn’t have much more that fluffy filler text, so pretty much Hebrew only.
Directions and Maps: The closest thing to mapquest, emap.co.il (Internet Explorer only) is an amazing resource for finding how to get around in Jerusalem and the rest of Israel. Available in Hebrew and English.
Movies: Seret.co.il lets you search by movie title, theater, or genre. When you select a theater, for example, the Globus theater in the Malha mall or Rav Chen in Talpiot, it brings up the phone number, address, and a current listing of all the movie showtimes. In Hebrew only.
Concerts, Theater: Hadran lets you buy tickets for the hottest performances happening all over Israel. I’ve never used it, but it looks reliable and professional. Available in Hebrew and English.
Israel Railways Train Schedule: Though the price of tickets is hard to find, the site is good for looking up the train times. The last time I took the train I believe it was 17.10 shekels for students – one way. Much quieter, hassle-free, and more leg room than the Egged busses. Only drawback is it takes a little longer to get where you’re going and I think the direct train from Jlem to TA is not running anymore? In English and Hebrew.
Bus Routes: Although the Egged site might be good to look at for travel info to the Dead Sea, Tel Aviv, or Haifa, it doesn’t have a very user-friendly or up-to-date map of which bus to take within Jerusalem and other cities. So, use Egged in English or Hebrew for travel between cities and Wikipedia in English for a look at which bus to take within Jerusalem.
Let’s liven things up around here:
Warning: Prepare for false gumball hopes this Sukkot
It would seem cruel to put gumballs in arms reach of a little child and then forbid him from eating them. But, in a stroke of genius, the Jerusalem municipality that we have all come to love (and hate), has done exactly that. The municipality decided to set up a sukkah in Kikar Safra and fill it with candy and gumball machines that are purposely out of order. You can look, but you can’t touch.
How could that ever have been perceived as a good idea? Maybe it went something like this: I know, let’s have kids walk in with great hopes of delicious candy and play a cruel, sick joke on them by not allowing them to have any. Oh, and we’ll have a clever play on words so everyone will chuckle – sukkariyah (candy) in the sukkah! weeee.
But don’t worry, when the kids saw what the city had in store for them, they fought back, in the best way that kids know how. They shook those machines and stuffed money in, until damnit, they worked and candy came out. So ha-ha to you, Mr. Every-2-Seconds-Announcement-that-the-machines-don’t-work and the city of Jerusalem. Take that.
Maybe they had been reading some old Mitch Hedberg jokes….
“I like cinnamon rolls, but I don’t always have time to make a pan. That’s why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all, I’d rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.” -Mitch Hedberg
Jerusalem got much funnier last night
These two guys above, Avi Liberman and Benji Lovitt put on an awesome comedy show last night at the Begin Center. As in Menachim Begin, not ‘start here’ I haven’t had such a good laugh in a long time. Although you can never recapture the jokes you hear at a comedy show, I am taking after my dad, and jotted down the main ideas so I could make myself laugh again the next day. And it worked! If you get the chance to see either of them at another show, I highly recommend it for a good time. Avi is from LA and Benji lives in TA, so I’m not sure what the chances are of them starring together again, but hey, you never know. (Update: Avi might be back in December)
Thanks Honest Reporting for putting the event together – they probably needed to laugh more than anyone else in the audience.
Awesome Sukkot Video
Here’s another one of Molly’s awesome and funny videos, “Sukkot Shake”. Happy Sukkot and enjoy the video!
The light rail delayed, new form of transportation takes off
Here’s a shocker – the light rail has been delayed yet again and will be completed by the year two thousand and never. So, while we sit around and wait for an update, there’s a new mode of transportation gaining popularity – the sneaker. Here’s a preview of this new technologically advanced system that I filmed last night, first-hand, from Ben Yehuda St.
The Big Felafel 
Comments (1)
Janglo goes comments, where’s the heads up?
As we know, Janglo, the can’t-function-without-it Jerusalem Anglo community website has undergone many changes – starting out as a Yahoo group and transitioning to a more user-friendly site at janglo.net with RSS feeds, an event calendar, and now the most revolutionary feature- comments. Previously, when someone would post something common, like today’s FREESWAP: ROOSTER, people would respond only to that person who posted and no one else could benefit from the responses.
But today, everything changed in Janglo-land. For better or for worse. Continue reading this entry »