Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Jerusalem Scene category.
Where the @#$*& is my bus? Using the online Egged bus schedule
If you want to find me in Jerusalem, I’m probably the tall girl running, arms flailing, out of breath, trying to catch the number 18 bus. Either that, or I’m drooling at the bus stop in what seems like eternity waiting for the bus to come.
Luckily, my friend showed me how to navigate the tricky Egged site and read the online Egged bus schedule.
Here’s how: Continue reading this entry »
Sushi take-over of Jerusalem
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Just a few weeks ago, it was very difficult to come across sushi in Jerusalem, especially kosher sushi. Apparently, not anymore. It’s as if someone heard me wanting sushi and I got my wish – but did they take it too far? These sushi restaurants are starting to pop up in every Jerusalem neighborhood, including taking over what used to be a cute little cafe called Faza in the Katamon/Palmach neighborhood. I loved Faza – with their TV entertainment system in the bathroom and wireless internet. 😦 But I also like sushi. What to do.
Here’s the list of kosher sushi restaurants in Jerusalem I’ve come across. You can find more details and coupons at Eluna and rest.co.il. In case you’re too cold to leave your house, I’ve included the phone numbers since most of them offer delivery. I put them in order of the ones I want to try out. Continue reading this entry »
Upcoming Event: One Page Play Festival
BamatMabat, a new theater production company in Jerusalem, is putting on their first play, called “Teudat Zehut: a one page play festival”. Each play is supposedly written by a different person, showcasing the differences in people’s definition of Jewish identity and community. The concept sounds fresh and much-needed in the Jerusalem theater scene, so I plan to be there. More information in the flyer here:
Into Minus to Add A Bush
Israel is not a land of wealth. We don’t have oil like the other Middle Eastern countries surrounding us and we aren’t a world economic power. Let’s face it – we can’t even pay our educators what they deserve or even half of that. But when President Bush comes to town…our country goes to town!Mr. Bush’s one and let’s hope only visit, will cost the citizens of Israel $25,000 an hour. He has taken over the King David Hotel, closed down the country’s main highways and brought his closest friends and their dog walkers with him. Not to mention the swarming media who trail behind his every move (Check out my other post- How I Faked It: Breaking into the Media).
And what will the Israelis citizens get in return for being put out and robbed? A friend- or at least that is how Olmert sees it. During last night’s press conference, Olmert couldn’t help himself when it came to gushing over his favorite buddy. It seemed like after every answer Olmert would thank Bush for being here, helping us and staying a true partner in the Peace Process. Continue reading this entry »
How I Faked It: Breaking Into The Media
I faked it. While the Americans brought their top security guys from America and Israel posted police on every street corner- I managed to sneak into the Press hotel and pretend to be one of them. It amazes me just how lax security was- so much so that I even had a taste of the White House Press-ONLY Buffet.
Besides being an awesome experience, sneaking in made me realize why the Press don’t report the truth. Indeed they are much too busy making friends and networking in the hotel lobby. Add to that complimentary food and drink and you’ve got a group of people that are never going to do their job well.
How did I do it- you ask? How could I have made it past security and not get caught once? It was simple- I faked it. My backup plan was saying I needed to go the bathroom but I never even needed to talk to anyone. Continue reading this entry »
The Schedule for President Bush’s Visit to the Homeland
The Big Felafel has managed to obtain President Bush’s tentative schedule for his visit this coming week to Israel. While his plans may change make sure to check into The Big Felafel for all the latest news on Bushy Bush’s visit in the Homeland.
Remember that although Bush has been preaching the Road Map during his very long Presidential term, this is his first visit to Israel. Apparently he thought that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was an interactive television show where viewers try to help the contestants- Olmert and Abu Mazen- get out of “trouble. After Conda-poo-poo’s last visit she informed Bush that she was indeed in a real foreign land that does exist. She insisted that he visit to see the real “trouble” occurring in the region. Apparently Bush was shocked to here that this was not just another ABC series like “Lost” and immediately told Conda-poo-poo to plan his trip to the foreign land so that he may meet the real contestants- he meant people.
The tentative schedule:
Wednesday:
8:00am: Arrives and is welcomed by Soldiers and the Palestinian Authority Police Officers. Two of the officers are the terrorists from last weeks shooting in Hebron. He will award them the gold medal of honor in a ceremony that Prime Minister Olmert has set up to show some more “Good Faith.” Abu Mazen is upset that he isn’t getting anything since he helped plan it and freed them.
9:00am: Off to Gaza where he will dig his own tunnel, retrieve weapons through the Egyptian border, set up Kassam launchers with fellow terrorists and even have a chance to fire one or two from the former homes of Gush Katif residents.
11:00am: To the other side, Bush will end up in Sderot where he will meet with Kassam rocket victims, families affected by the rockets and the Mayor who hasn’t slept in months. He has been invited to a family’s home that no longer has a roof thanks to rocket fire. Then he will experience an hour of rocket fire throughout the city. They have told Bush he will be playing hide and seek, for Sderot this means after you hear the red alert you have about 15 seconds to find shelter- good luck! Continue reading this entry »
You don’t make friends with salad
I am the kinda person who likes to eat a good Shabbat meal. You’re probably like that too. I really enjoy when the challah is warm off the hot plate and table is filled with lots of different salatim, inviting you in for the warm feast that will stretch your stomach to new limits.One of my favorite parts of Israel is the food and more specifically the salatim- matbuha (the red stuff that looks like salsa), eggplant made in every color and flavor, hummus, techina, hilbe (Yemenite) and whatever else you got. Continue reading this entry »
Warning: Prepare for false gumball hopes this Sukkot
It would seem cruel to put gumballs in arms reach of a little child and then forbid him from eating them. But, in a stroke of genius, the Jerusalem municipality that we have all come to love (and hate), has done exactly that. The municipality decided to set up a sukkah in Kikar Safra and fill it with candy and gumball machines that are purposely out of order. You can look, but you can’t touch.
How could that ever have been perceived as a good idea? Maybe it went something like this: I know, let’s have kids walk in with great hopes of delicious candy and play a cruel, sick joke on them by not allowing them to have any. Oh, and we’ll have a clever play on words so everyone will chuckle – sukkariyah (candy) in the sukkah! weeee.
But don’t worry, when the kids saw what the city had in store for them, they fought back, in the best way that kids know how. They shook those machines and stuffed money in, until damnit, they worked and candy came out. So ha-ha to you, Mr. Every-2-Seconds-Announcement-that-the-machines-don’t-work and the city of Jerusalem. Take that.
Maybe they had been reading some old Mitch Hedberg jokes….
“I like cinnamon rolls, but I don’t always have time to make a pan. That’s why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all, I’d rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.” -Mitch Hedberg
Jerusalem got much funnier last night
These two guys above, Avi Liberman and Benji Lovitt put on an awesome comedy show last night at the Begin Center. As in Menachim Begin, not ‘start here’ I haven’t had such a good laugh in a long time. Although you can never recapture the jokes you hear at a comedy show, I am taking after my dad, and jotted down the main ideas so I could make myself laugh again the next day. And it worked! If you get the chance to see either of them at another show, I highly recommend it for a good time. Avi is from LA and Benji lives in TA, so I’m not sure what the chances are of them starring together again, but hey, you never know. (Update: Avi might be back in December)
Thanks Honest Reporting for putting the event together – they probably needed to laugh more than anyone else in the audience.
Jerusalem stone meets M.A.C., Tommy, and Billabong. But where?
After seeing many signs on King David St for the new Mamilla Mall, my interest was piqued, and I wanted to explore what looked like a mall with prices way out of my league. But where was it? For all the ‘now open’ signs, I didn’t see any arrows, or any indication that there was life behind the huge blockade of construction. But, thanks to my cousin who’s living in the old city, I was pointed in the right direction.
It reminded me of high-scale malls in America with a slight Israeli twist – the Jerusalem Stone. Although this mall clearly appeals to tourists, it seems strange that Americans would come all the way to Israel to buy a Tommy Hilfiger shirt. Nothing says souvenir more than MAC lipstick for your friends back in America.
All cynicism aside, it is a beautiful outdoor strip mall and has a MANGO store coming soon. I am a girl, after all.
How to get there: Take the 18, 13, or 21 bus and get off at the David Citadel Hotel. Walk toward the old city and you will see a guard and a set of stairs to your left, about halfway down the block.
Rumor has it that Israel’s biggest movie theater is coming to this mall soon. This has yet to be verified.. if you have any details, please share.
The Big Felafel 