How I Faked It: Breaking Into The Media
I faked it. While the Americans brought their top security guys from America and Israel posted police on every street corner- I managed to sneak into the Press hotel and pretend to be one of them. It amazes me just how lax security was- so much so that I even had a taste of the White House Press-ONLY Buffet.
Besides being an awesome experience, sneaking in made me realize why the Press don’t report the truth. Indeed they are much too busy making friends and networking in the hotel lobby. Add to that complimentary food and drink and you’ve got a group of people that are never going to do their job well.
How did I do it- you ask? How could I have made it past security and not get caught once? It was simple- I faked it. My backup plan was saying I needed to go the bathroom but I never even needed to talk to anyone. Continue reading this entry »
The Schedule for President Bush’s Visit to the Homeland
The Big Felafel has managed to obtain President Bush’s tentative schedule for his visit this coming week to Israel. While his plans may change make sure to check into The Big Felafel for all the latest news on Bushy Bush’s visit in the Homeland.
Remember that although Bush has been preaching the Road Map during his very long Presidential term, this is his first visit to Israel. Apparently he thought that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was an interactive television show where viewers try to help the contestants- Olmert and Abu Mazen- get out of “trouble. After Conda-poo-poo’s last visit she informed Bush that she was indeed in a real foreign land that does exist. She insisted that he visit to see the real “trouble” occurring in the region. Apparently Bush was shocked to here that this was not just another ABC series like “Lost” and immediately told Conda-poo-poo to plan his trip to the foreign land so that he may meet the real contestants- he meant people.
The tentative schedule:
Wednesday:
8:00am: Arrives and is welcomed by Soldiers and the Palestinian Authority Police Officers. Two of the officers are the terrorists from last weeks shooting in Hebron. He will award them the gold medal of honor in a ceremony that Prime Minister Olmert has set up to show some more “Good Faith.” Abu Mazen is upset that he isn’t getting anything since he helped plan it and freed them.
9:00am: Off to Gaza where he will dig his own tunnel, retrieve weapons through the Egyptian border, set up Kassam launchers with fellow terrorists and even have a chance to fire one or two from the former homes of Gush Katif residents.
11:00am: To the other side, Bush will end up in Sderot where he will meet with Kassam rocket victims, families affected by the rockets and the Mayor who hasn’t slept in months. He has been invited to a family’s home that no longer has a roof thanks to rocket fire. Then he will experience an hour of rocket fire throughout the city. They have told Bush he will be playing hide and seek, for Sderot this means after you hear the red alert you have about 15 seconds to find shelter- good luck! Continue reading this entry »
Fighting Festivals Are The Answer
Last week Peru held its annual Fighting Festival in which citizens, including women and children, are allowed to brawl each other in order to get rid of stress.
Forget Peace Talks I think Israel needs to adopt this Festival as soon as possible. Imagine taking all your frustration of driving in the city, paying ridiculous bills, waiting in lines that have no order, being pushed in the street- I could go on- but just imagine taking that frustration and channeling it into one fight with someone that is just as angry as you. You duke it out, bleed a little and then you feel better. Also friends and family watch and can take part in this exciting ass-kicking moment in your life. Continue reading this entry »
The Coolest Anglo Immigrant of Israel- You Need to Know Her!
This girl has me obsessed. She is beautiful, but that’s not why. She is an awesome dancer, but that’s not why.
I am crazy about Lisa Oberman because the girl has guts. If you don’t know who I am talking about then keep reading until you too become a fan.
Lisa, 21 years old, made aliyah from Canada after going on birthright when she was 18. So big deal, there are a bunch of us now with a similar story: from birthright to aliyah.
Lisa is just learning Hebrew yet she is a contestant on one of Israel’s most popular television shows, “A Star in Born: Dancer,” a spin off of American Idol with an Israeli twist and the competition is for the best dancer instead of singer.
The girl is brave! She is surrounded by Israelis, everyone speaks Hebrew, there are even more Israelis in the audience and the whole of Israel gets to vote if she continues in the competition and becomes the next big time Israeli dancer. Continue reading this entry »
The 35 shekel haircut
Update: Turns out that Mr. Zikri owes millions on the grey market and therefore has shut down his beauty salons. Real bummer. The only thing I can recommend now is to wait for a good deal to show up on group deal sites like Groupon or the like.
You may not be able to remember the name of the salon (was it shuki zuki? shuki zukri?), and you might not want a student cutting your hair, but at the end of the day, the satisfaction of having a cheap, 35 shekel haircut is what will make you smile.
Shuki Zikri is a haircutting school in downtown Jerusalem that lets its students try out their skills on those that want a cheap haircut. They can cut, color, blowdry, etc for much less than if a ‘real’ hairdresser did it. But who can be bothered with professionals – at Shuki you don’t have to even make an appointment – you just show up. Once they shampoo and massage your head (my favorite part), they take you to a chair, pull out their handy dandy ghetto haircutting kit, and start sectioning off your hair, about 40 times until you beg them to move on to the cutting part. Maybe that’s what they focused on in their classes that day?! And not to worry, if they mess up and you notice it’s a little uneven, their teacher comes over and fixes everything. Continue reading this entry »
Did anybody else notice this wacky bus story?
Although I don’t usually focus on news stories, this one particularly caught my eye. (See full article below or at Jpost)
It appears that a man was neglected by Egged at a Kiryat Ye’arim station. Awww… Next thing you know, that guy is getting 18,000 shekels from Egged! Still feel sorry for him?
Is Israel turning into America? Will people be suing Cafe Hillel over too-hot coffee that accidentally spilled in their lap? I find this story unbelievable for so many reasons. Let’s try to break down why. Continue reading this entry »
Manicures and Pedicures in Jerusalem, secrets revealed
Don’t be upset, boys. I know this blog can get a little girly at times due to the fact that we are, in fact, girls. But I’ll tell you this, mention the juicy details in this post to a lady friend, and you will be guaranteed a 10.5 second hug, perhaps even a high five. So, it’s up to you to continue reading.
I decided it was time to grow up and stop taking out boredom or nervousness on my poor fingers. So, I set out on treating myself to a manicure and did what any good Jerusalem Anglo would do, check Janglo before venturing out of my home. I called a few places but found the prices to be at least 60 shekels. Alas, I found an ad posted from Ester, who would come to my house and give me a manicure for 50 shekels. I thought this service was reserved for the wealthy with butlers, a summer home in the Hamptons, and a 3 car garage.
So, in this strange land of Israel, you can enjoy in-home manicures or a stick of deodorant for roughly the same price. So make your choice wisely. You could be stinky or have some nice lookin’ nails. I went for the nails. Ester’s number is 0544 99 5067.
In other extremity news, my graphic design teacher showed us how to shorten toes in Photoshop but he kept referring to them as fingers. Not the Hebrew word for fingers, the English word itself. Should I have said something? Probably. Did I? No. This way, every time I mess up in Hebrew, I can think back to all the Israelis I’ve met who think they jump in puddles, ride their bike, and step in dog poop with their “fingers” and have a good giggle.
Tel Aviv and the Party Factor
It’s true that Tel Aviv is only a 45 minute bus ride away, but lets face it I never go there. But that doesn’t mean I won’t go to Tel Aviv it just means I need a good reason. And the Free Birthright Alumni party was all the incentive this girl needed to get out of Jerusalem for a Saturday night.Yes indeed, Tel Aviv is party central and not just compared to Jerusalem, but a friend recently told me that Tel Aviv has more bars per area then any other city in the world. And while I didn’t check out every bar or club in Tel Aviv I still managed to find where the party was at! Continue reading this entry »
Sheruts are definitely the way to go, running 24 hours
I went to Tel Aviv the other night for the first time in a very very very long time. Despite the fact that Tel Aviv is technically pretty close, all that traveling on busses is enough to keep me away. I believe the last time was for WordCamp and iDrink. This time it was for a birthright israel party. An open bar birthright party, I might add. But Rebecca, you didn’t go on birthright, did you? No, I couldn’t since I had already been to Israel on organized tours. But luckily, Molly did, and she was able to get me in somehow. Here’s the crazy part.. Ivri Lider was invited to light the chanukah candles which was pretty surreal. The truth is, it could’ve been any Israeli- looking guy and I would’ve believed it was him (a little tip for the next celebrity planned at these events). And then he just stuck around like he wanted to be there. It felt good to feel young, get a little tipsy, and dance until 2am.
But I digress. I wanted to mention some tips I learned from my travels to that far off land of TA (Have it stand for what you will). Continue reading this entry »
Phone numbers and links for internet providers in Israel
It’s happened plenty of times by now. Feelings of helplessness and frustration start to take over as I realize the Internet stopped working and am all too aware of how dependent I am on it. Especially since I mostly work from home. But, no matter how much I disconnect the wires, reconnect, restart, repair, dance around doing the please-please-I’m-begging-you-to-work dance, there comes a point when the Internet refuses to cooperate and goes on strike to show solidarity with the teachers.
I know that as soon as I pick up the phone to call Netvision, the internet will start working, because that’s what happened before. As soon as my router/modem/wireless (who can remember the difference) hears Mr. Tech Support at Netvision, it shapes up and suddenly works. But I decided to pay extra attention this time so I could imitate the tech support’s soothing voice and avoid calling back ever again. And I noticed tapping on the keyboard. And tech support man confirmed my suspicions by saying he reconnected my internet. So apparently its not just the voice. As soon as I call, they identify my phone number and press the little button that says “Resume Rebecca’s internet, practical joke over for today” Is this normal? Are people calling all the time for this ‘reboot’?
Here’s some helpful info about internet providers in Israel (so I can keep it handy too). I have the Hot/Netvision setup with no dialler. I went through Netvision who organized the setup process with Hot. I did some research before selecting an internet provider, but they all ended up being roughly the same price. I’ve heard the good, bad, and ugly about each provider. So, if you’re just starting out and looking to pick an internet provider, the most effective method is to close your eyes, spin your finger around the screen and see which provider it lands on.
Netvision: *3031 or 1800-300-301
Barak: *013 or 1800.013.013
Actcom: 1800-300-123
Bezeq: 1800-014-014
Internet Gold(Smile): *2330 or 072-200-3600
Golden Lines: 1801-012-012
Hot: *6900
The Big Felafel 