Sderot to Egypt: Sue You! That’s Our Rocket and it Comes With A Bang!
When I was growing up in LA we lived life a little differently then the rest of the world. For example, if someone made fun of me and I gave them a taste of their own medicine, the final outcome would be, “so sue me.” We learned early on that suing someone was the best form of attack and could really do the most damage.Now that I live in Israel it seems that Israelis have finally learned the art form of suing. The critical goal of suing someone is to “stick it to them.” When you sue someone you are sending a message to the other side that you are done being Mr. Nice-guy and want to fight dirty- even dirtier than guerilla warfare, you want to fight and bring your lawyers. Continue reading this entry »
“Headlines” [funny video]
I’m not sure why, but this whole President Bush visiting thing reminded me of this hilarious clip from Keta Keta on holy virals Maybe because I’ve actually been watching the news lately.. when the cat knocks the antenna into the right position, that is. Like our other videos, I wanted to keep all my favorites in one place… Enjoy.
Into Minus to Add A Bush
Israel is not a land of wealth. We don’t have oil like the other Middle Eastern countries surrounding us and we aren’t a world economic power. Let’s face it – we can’t even pay our educators what they deserve or even half of that. But when President Bush comes to town…our country goes to town!Mr. Bush’s one and let’s hope only visit, will cost the citizens of Israel $25,000 an hour. He has taken over the King David Hotel, closed down the country’s main highways and brought his closest friends and their dog walkers with him. Not to mention the swarming media who trail behind his every move (Check out my other post- How I Faked It: Breaking into the Media).
And what will the Israelis citizens get in return for being put out and robbed? A friend- or at least that is how Olmert sees it. During last night’s press conference, Olmert couldn’t help himself when it came to gushing over his favorite buddy. It seemed like after every answer Olmert would thank Bush for being here, helping us and staying a true partner in the Peace Process. Continue reading this entry »
How I Faked It: Breaking Into The Media
I faked it. While the Americans brought their top security guys from America and Israel posted police on every street corner- I managed to sneak into the Press hotel and pretend to be one of them. It amazes me just how lax security was- so much so that I even had a taste of the White House Press-ONLY Buffet.
Besides being an awesome experience, sneaking in made me realize why the Press don’t report the truth. Indeed they are much too busy making friends and networking in the hotel lobby. Add to that complimentary food and drink and you’ve got a group of people that are never going to do their job well.
How did I do it- you ask? How could I have made it past security and not get caught once? It was simple- I faked it. My backup plan was saying I needed to go the bathroom but I never even needed to talk to anyone. Continue reading this entry »
Israeli view on spaghetti, meatballs, and the New Hampshire race
As I watched the sign-language translation in the corner of the six o’clock news, hoping to get a peek at how they really translate Olmert into Hebrew sign language, I perked up as the news anchor called their New Hampshire correspondent, Moshe… in an Italian restaurant. As I watched the 2 minute clip rerun of people entering this restaurant, I listened to Moshe, the owner, talk about how hungry the candidates were, piling into his restaurant as soon as they could and staying there till the late hours.
Now this is my kind of news – I couldn’t tell you a thing about the primaries or how they worked – but I could tell you that Giuliani stuffed his face with pizza in New Hampshire. Israeli Journalism at its best. Apparently, if he speaks Hebrew and he’s in America, that’s good enough for us.
Basically, Israel’s Channel 2 News seems to be ok with getting the news from this guy:
Spontaneous adventure: Israel’s last-minute travel sites
Whenever I see a Hebrew newspaper, I pretend to read the headlines and then head straight for the last few pages to get a glimpse of all the travel deals to Amsterdam, Barcelona, Budapest, etc. for crazy prices like $200 for 4 days and nights in Istanbul. I know that these last-minute trips are reliable since my friend was lucky enough to travel to Italy through Daka90 . As for convenience… it should be noted that she left the very same day she bought the ticket.
So far, these trips haven’t worked out for me. I just have a really hard time seeing how to juggle spontaneity and responsibility. Has it suddenly become acceptable to give approximately 10 minutes notice before packing and heading off to the Netherlands for 3 nights. Is it possible to take advantage of one of these trips or is this a luxury for the non-working or rich.. which when you think about…
Here’s a list of Israeli services that offer last minute travel deals, packages, and flights. Continue reading this entry »
The Schedule for President Bush’s Visit to the Homeland
The Big Felafel has managed to obtain President Bush’s tentative schedule for his visit this coming week to Israel. While his plans may change make sure to check into The Big Felafel for all the latest news on Bushy Bush’s visit in the Homeland.
Remember that although Bush has been preaching the Road Map during his very long Presidential term, this is his first visit to Israel. Apparently he thought that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was an interactive television show where viewers try to help the contestants- Olmert and Abu Mazen- get out of “trouble. After Conda-poo-poo’s last visit she informed Bush that she was indeed in a real foreign land that does exist. She insisted that he visit to see the real “trouble” occurring in the region. Apparently Bush was shocked to here that this was not just another ABC series like “Lost” and immediately told Conda-poo-poo to plan his trip to the foreign land so that he may meet the real contestants- he meant people.
The tentative schedule:
Wednesday:
8:00am: Arrives and is welcomed by Soldiers and the Palestinian Authority Police Officers. Two of the officers are the terrorists from last weeks shooting in Hebron. He will award them the gold medal of honor in a ceremony that Prime Minister Olmert has set up to show some more “Good Faith.” Abu Mazen is upset that he isn’t getting anything since he helped plan it and freed them.
9:00am: Off to Gaza where he will dig his own tunnel, retrieve weapons through the Egyptian border, set up Kassam launchers with fellow terrorists and even have a chance to fire one or two from the former homes of Gush Katif residents.
11:00am: To the other side, Bush will end up in Sderot where he will meet with Kassam rocket victims, families affected by the rockets and the Mayor who hasn’t slept in months. He has been invited to a family’s home that no longer has a roof thanks to rocket fire. Then he will experience an hour of rocket fire throughout the city. They have told Bush he will be playing hide and seek, for Sderot this means after you hear the red alert you have about 15 seconds to find shelter- good luck! Continue reading this entry »
Fighting Festivals Are The Answer
Last week Peru held its annual Fighting Festival in which citizens, including women and children, are allowed to brawl each other in order to get rid of stress.
Forget Peace Talks I think Israel needs to adopt this Festival as soon as possible. Imagine taking all your frustration of driving in the city, paying ridiculous bills, waiting in lines that have no order, being pushed in the street- I could go on- but just imagine taking that frustration and channeling it into one fight with someone that is just as angry as you. You duke it out, bleed a little and then you feel better. Also friends and family watch and can take part in this exciting ass-kicking moment in your life. Continue reading this entry »
Best and Worst of 2007: the big felafel style
| BEST | WORST |
| Olmert getting rid of that nasty nasty comb over | Olmert still in Office |
| Free television online at alluc.org | Television tax that only some people receive even if you don’t own a tv. |
| The Facebook Song | Annapolis |
| The dollar losing value | The dollar losing value |
| Discovering the show Israelim | Discovering they cancelled Israelim but you can still watch it online |
| 50 shekel boots | Raising the prices of milk,flour and the shuk salatim |
| Marzipan’s Ice cafe for NIS 5 stays the same price and stays the whole year- no more waiting for summer! | Getting my first crown through health insurance |
| Finding out about Brooklyn Bakery where they serve real muffins and donuts | Conda-poo-poo coming here almost every two weeks |
| Seinfeld coming to Israel | Teachers Protest and University Professors Protest |
| Getting rid of CNN | Getting rid of CNN and keeping FOX |
| Realizing I can take a Sherut instead of a bus | The lines wherever you go |
| Pomegrantes in the Fall | Having my bicylce stolen |
| Learning that you do your grocery shopping online | the gyms in Jerusalem (I’m from LA- there is no comparing) |
| Pesach Rap video | The continous Jerusalem construction of new homes no one here can afford |
| Hannukah Parody video | Shmita |
We want to hear what you thought was the best and worst too. Feel free to write us and we will think about adding your best or worst!
The Coolest Anglo Immigrant of Israel- You Need to Know Her!
This girl has me obsessed. She is beautiful, but that’s not why. She is an awesome dancer, but that’s not why.
I am crazy about Lisa Oberman because the girl has guts. If you don’t know who I am talking about then keep reading until you too become a fan.
Lisa, 21 years old, made aliyah from Canada after going on birthright when she was 18. So big deal, there are a bunch of us now with a similar story: from birthright to aliyah.
Lisa is just learning Hebrew yet she is a contestant on one of Israel’s most popular television shows, “A Star in Born: Dancer,” a spin off of American Idol with an Israeli twist and the competition is for the best dancer instead of singer.
The girl is brave! She is surrounded by Israelis, everyone speaks Hebrew, there are even more Israelis in the audience and the whole of Israel gets to vote if she continues in the competition and becomes the next big time Israeli dancer. Continue reading this entry »
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